Messy Relationships, Blog 8: Bitterness Can Wreck the Soul
Ah yes, there’s nothing like a good revenge movie!
Give me a story like Maleficent, or Taken (1 or 3), where someone’s been wronged and gets revenge, and I’m in. Or The Equalizer (#2 is my favorite), where the hero seeks revenge on behalf of others. (When aired on TV some of the bad language is removed.)
Even though we like to see bad guys get it, that cinematic version of ‘setting things right’ isn’t a reality for most of us. And, since rescue by a superhero probably won’t happen, how do we handle it when wronged? Because, let’s face it, unless you’re a monk living in the mountains of Tibet, sooner or later someone’s going to trample your feelings or slam dunk your self-worth.
Not to carry the movie theme too far, but in John Wayne’s last movie, The Shootist, (1976), his character, John Bernard Books, lived by a credo: “I won’t be wronged, I won’t be insulted, and I won’t be laid a hand on.” And we’re like Books, right? We deserve respect. After all, we’re good people!
Defining ‘good people’ is for another day, but how do we handle mistreatment from others? I’ve heard there are folks who actually think turning the other cheek is the right response. Seriously?! I mean, who does that? Of course I jest, because the One who told us to turn the other cheek was Jesus Himself (Matthew 5:39). Now I admit, turning the other cheek isn’t as sweet as revenge, but the infinitely wise God commanded just that.
Even well-meaning friends attempt to help by encouraging us to forget the hurt and move on. Really? Being hurt hurts, it digs into our soul, even breaks our heart. Try as we may, we can never completely erase hurt from our memory! Scars remain. So how do we deal with it? We use it, that’s how! When hurt comes to mind we use it to remember the cross. Let it remind us that Jesus forgives our sin! And friends, our sins against God are far greater than anything people can levy at us. Our sin violates His holy nature, and yet He still forgives! Can we do less for others? (Matt. 6:15) Remembering His forgiveness has kept me from being mired in bitterness.
You might say to yourself, “I don’t really hate the person, I just resent his comment.” However, failing to forgive and holding onto resentment will morph into anger and bitterness. The word bitterness, in Hebrews 12:15, refers to extreme hatred. And remember what John 2:11 says about hatred: “... the one who hates his brother ... walks in darkness.” Friends, Christians don’t walk in darkness!
Refusing to forgive someone does more damage to you than it does to the offender. It incubates bitterness that grows and eventually wrecks our soul. On the other hand, forgiving heals and restores relationships, refreshing our spirit. Leave room for the Lord to deal with the wrongdoer, and He’ll bless you for obeying.
The Christian’s goal is to be more like the Lord. Romans 8:28 reminds us that God has a purpose for challenges in our life. John 16:33b warns that tribulation will come, but the Lord has already won the war for us. Remember the Lord’s promise – our trials are for His glory and our edification (1 Thessalonians 1:5-11).
Jerry Green, Elder